How to Have Expectations
We’re often the ones who expect the most from ourselves. Of course there can be external pressures; either from those around us, society or any given set of circumstances compelling us to rise to a certain occasion. But, for a whole lot of us, the expectations we hold ourselves accountable to are created by our own thinking and mindset.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with having expectations, there are a few common snags we can hit if we hold them unfairly.
Yes, there are ways to have expectations.
I’m someone, who like many I’m sure, have held expectations in a way that has done more harm than good. Speaking from my own experience, I’m able to see the differences in healthy and constructive expectations v.s. self sabotaging and counterproductive ones. There are times when the two are easily confused. But the main tell is simply this: does the expectation compel you or confine you?
Compelling Expectations…
When you feel compelled to do something, there isn’t a hesitation. You spring into action as if the idea or option to not do so doesn’t exist.
A compelling expectation is an expectation that propels you.
Compelling expectations are positive. They focus on the possibilities and not the inhibitors. So much so, that the ‘inhibitors,’ or obstacles along the way are seen rather as detours, still ultimately leading to your destination.
Compelling expectations ALSO:
Are compassionate about your human-ness
Celebrate small wins
Above all, promote personal growth
Confining Expectations…
If you feel deterred, overwhelmed and stressed out by your goals, then you most likely are confined by your expectations.
Confining expectations are strictly results focused and often contain ultimatums.
Confining expectations are negative in that they don’t allow any room for mistakes. Any misstep taken is seen as a step backward or in the wrong direction, never as a learning opportunity. Confining expectations are also impatient and don’t take into account the whole picture.
CONFINING EXPECTATIONS ALSO:
Often uses negative self talk as motivation
Always find the grass greener; forgoes gratitude
Define your personal value based on your results
Can you tell the difference between your compelling (healthy) and confining (hindering) expectations? Often times, all of our expectations seem like they are for our own good, but when we unpack the feelings and perspectives surrounding them we are able to tell if they are actuallyhelping or really just hurting us.
One more thing:
THE GOLDEN RULE…
No matter what expectations you have for yourself (your present, future, dreams and goals, etc.), they MUST be based on YOUR capabilities- and nothing else. The only thing we have control over is ourselves.
Expectations based on others and outside circumstances are unrealistic, and they take away your own power.
This is the part of life we can only react to. It’s in focusing on how we play the cards, rather than the cards themselves, that we can realize our full potential.
